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Headshot of me with long hair, pink lip stick, light makeup Kara Babcock

Get your "fash on"

Published .


Okay, this is the last straw. Old Navy, you have gone too far.

For the record, breaking up the word "fashion" into two separate words, "fash" and "on", in an attempt to make a cute pop-style song for your latest advertising campaign, cannot be described by any of the following adjectives: clever, cute, funny, interesting, effective, original. And many more.

Those commercials with their idiotic repeating refrain of "Get your fash on / fash, fash on" annoy me to no end. I must commend your marketing people in their creation of such an evil slogan. Not only is it stuck in my head, but it is an unacceptable and pathetic slaughtering of the English language. Considering that no one at Old Navy--neither the people who sew your jeans nor the marketing gurus (who speak Weasel)--actually speaks English, this probably should not be surprising. I never said I was surprised; I'm just outraged.

In fact, I am fairly sure that if such stupid and asinine commercials disappeared from television, crime rate would drop dramatically overnight. I don't know why the terrorists even bother anymore. Between reality television and commercials the Western world is already going to kill itself before they can manage to sneak a bomb past London officials again.

So Old Navy, no, I am not going to "get my fash on". I have never, do not, and will never want to "get my fash on". I don't even know what "getting my fash on" entails. Stop trying to be cute and go back to finding ways of cutting costs by outsourcing more jobs to another continent.

But do not think that your senseless slaughter of the English language in an unsuccessful attempt at emulating today's adolescents' slang will go unnoticed--or unpunished. No, Old Navy, this time you have transgressed past the point of no return. This time you have crossed the line.

In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, "This means war!"

/me carefully plants evidence in the CIA's secure database that reveals that Old Navy is manufacturing WMDs and waits for the chaos to ensue. :r