Kara Babcock

I read, write, code, and knit.

A little bit of everything

Last updated

Note: This post was written before I realized I was trans and/or before I came out online. As such, I might refer to myself as a man or use my deadname. Please read my name policy to understand how you should refer to me.

I thought this semester would be easier than last, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's just the transition that's really difficult, but I feel very tired and very burnt out.

Part of the reason is that my classes are so low-energy. Last semester, particularly with drama, I had something to anticipate each day: moments of high-energy where I got to exercise and be hyper. Now it's just mindless plodding from class to class. I feel less motivated, which is kind of unfortunate.

Another part of the reason is that I have an awkward sort of schedule. It's awkward in the sense that I had both math and French in the first semester of last year. Now, while I couldn't bear having all 8 classes simultaneously, I do think that the semester system is disadvantageous for classes like math and French if you happen to go an entire year without having them.

I feel like I've forgotten how to do math. I'm frustrated that I can't get a simple application question, and I feel like an imbecile. I know that it's only been three days, that I should just give it time, but I'm a very impatient person.

Combine that with questioning my own modesty, confidence, and ego, and you have to wonder if I should slow down. >_< I had a good conversation with Ms. Sukalo, though, which has restored most of my confidence in myself. I suspect that this sort of self-doubt is latent from the move to Westgate and stimulated as I struggle temporarily to adjust to this new semester. :wacko:

On a happier note, I am writing more. I sort of took a tiny break there after finishing my novel, then I wrote a short story. Now I've got some good short story ideas and maybe a poem or two. I don't want to go too fast and burn out at that too, but I also don't want to deliberately pace myself—if I have to write, I have to write. It's just one of those things.

It's also my paternal grandmother's birthday today, so wish her a happy birthday. :hug: